last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They have beer where we have blood.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
