That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
