Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
