am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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