I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
