Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
