We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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