Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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