I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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