it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
