I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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