I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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