the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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