Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
