So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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