What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
