he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
