I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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