no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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