Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
