Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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