For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
