Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
