ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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