this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
