Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
