Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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