He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
