No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
