Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
