that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
