So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
