i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
