It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
