He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Small penises have feelings too.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
