I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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