ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
