He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
