If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
