Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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