so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
