We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
