she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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