I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
