Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
