Me. At least after what I've been through.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
