yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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