A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
