you win again, gameday.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
