1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
