Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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