the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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