I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
